Happy New Year to everyone.  Mom had many visitors over the past few days, and seems quite comfortable.  Her skin is warm and moist, and she is breathing mostly pretty quietly.  She has the strength to muster a big cough when there is something bothering her.

Her struggle into the new year is a testament to how healthy and active she was only seven weeks ago.  Mom’s strong spirit continues to sustain her.

Susan is staying with Judy at the Mather, and they are near Mom’s bedside most of the time.  I am happy to have my Judy and my children with me every day as well.

Mom is still hanging in there. She is warm and comfortable in her bed, receiving visitors regularly. The long weekend was especially convenient for many friends and relatives.

Please keep Tasha and all of us in your thoughts.

Many family members are here at the Mather, greeting friends and visiting with the staff.  The Mather staff, as well as the nurses from Midwest are wonderful caregivers, who love Mom and are so respectful of her.

Today, for some reason, she has had her eyes open, seemingly regarding each visitor with her classic discerning eye.  Is she having the conversations in her mind that she would otherwise have had with the rest of us?

Although this weekend is very surreal for us as her family, many of her friends are preparing for the celebrations of the holiday, and it is sweet to wish all of them a happy holiday.  We will be here celebrating Mom’s life with her.

First, let me express all of our family’s gratitude to those of you who have taken the time during this busy season to come and sit with us and visit with Mom.  We are so fortunate to be able to spend time with you, and I know that it is so meaningful for you to visit Mom.

I think that Mom is mostly very comfortable now, and we are taking pains to be sure that we don’t annoy her with unnecessary pokings and proddings.  Sometimes she seems to be in an uncomfortable position, and the staff at the Mather is quick to move her around to an easier spot. She has music playing, of all kinds, and a steady stream of friends and family at her bedside. On Monday night the book group came and carolled for her.

Please don’t hesitate to come and visit if you wish, or send messages through your comments.  We relay them to Mom. And we appreciate all of your thoughts about her.

Susan and Judy were in town over the weekend, so we were able to be together with Mom and meet with her caregivers together.

We had many visitors today, including Cosmo, who ended up in bed with Mom, and seemed to thoroughly enjoy his visit.

Judy (K) has written a guest post today:

“Mom has now been ensconced in the Mather for the better part of a week now. She spends the vast majority of her days and nights sleeping peacefully, but occasionally wakes to stare bright-eyed at her many visitors. We all have our stories of the time we are sure she formed an ironic smile or gave a particularly significant squeeze of our fingers or “danced” with us to the music. I like to think that she is leaving each of us with a little gift.

I also like to think that she was gratified to see her three children around her bed this weekend. That, or she was confused by all the identical faces and expressions. In any case, Tom, Judy, and Susan had some good time together to talk, laugh, and hug.

And consult with the specialists. Everyone recognizes the progress she has made. Her stroke was indeed massive, with good parts of her left hemisphere permanently destroyed, and the right hemisphere and even the brain stem damaged to an unknown extent by the initial pressure. That she wakes and responds as much as she does is a testament to her strength and, ironically, her overall health. And, again I think, the love and concern of all around her.

But no one, from the neurosurgeon on down, can lay out hope for marked improvement. In fact our greatest fear is that she would wake up one morning and truly understand how trapped she is now in a damaged brain and a largely non-functioning body. We know, because she told us many times both orally and in her living will, that this is not what she wanted.

We want her now to take control over her own body, her future, and the life that remains to her.

Please feel free to her to visit. We hope it makes her feel good. We know that we enjoy seeing all of you. How lucky we are to have a mother with so many friends and admirers.”

There has been much activity over the past couple of days to get Mom settled into her little suite.  Equipment is arrayed in her bedroom to attend to her needs, and she seems most comfortable.

The staff is coordinated like a ballet (she would appreciate that!), turning her, suctioning, and adjusting the oxygen flow.  And she looks like quite a queen in her big bed.

Thanks to all of you who have found the time to pop in for a visit.  Judy D has been in attendance most of the time and appreciates visitors.  Judy K arrived yesterday, and Susan is coming in this morning. There are beautiful spaces, like everywhere in the Mather, to sit and chat.

At the Mather…

Mom had an uneventful trip back to the Mather, arriving before noon yesterday.  There was then a long flurry of activity, with Judy (D), nursing, Midwest, and some close friends working to create a home in the Life Centre (which I now know is spelled the European way). 

She is ensconced in a Queen-sized hospital bed, with some photos around her, including her wedding picture! There is a very nice scarf around her head, as her shaved head look, maybe appropriate for a hospital, is not the look she would want to have back at home.

It really is home, and the wonderful Mather staff is as attentive as always to her and to us.  Just outside the suite are a number of areas for us to lounge and to talk to others.  Ned came down while I was there and I really enjoyed that link to the past days when we were all younger, and of course healthier.

I’m sure that there will be more settling in to be done, but over the next few days it will start to be great for Mom to have visitors.  Come when it is convenient for you; it’s more or less convenient for her all day long! The most important reason we wanted her to be at the Mather was so that her friends and family could be comfortable visiting her.

You will find her mostly sleeping, but with long periods where her eyes are wide open, maybe trying to figure out the new noises and images that she is seeing and hearing. Look her in the eye and speak slowly and softly.  If she can discern what is occurring, it will give her the best chance to understand, interpret, and process.

Mom was wide awake this afternoon, looking in the direction of people and voices.  I can’t really tell if she recognizes me, or anyone else; I’m inclined to think, just based on observation, that she cannot.  Certainly, her meaningful words, maybe even her gestures, are locked into her brain, blocked from emerging and explaining her thoughts, her feelings, her wishes.

Tomorrow, Mom will move back to the Mather.  The staff in the Life Center will be assisted by staff from Midwest Palliative and Hospice Care Center. You may want to see their website: www.carecenter.org .

We do not know what the future holds, although the doctors say that she is unlikely to talk again, and even comprehension of what we say is probably not in the cards. Whether she will become aware of her plight is unknown, but if she does, we all know that she will not be satisfied with her condition. She so valued her independence and ability to assist others. She didn’t want to be a burden or an invalid.

For now, the important thing that we’re doing for Mom is to keep her comfortable, and to allow all of you who wish to come and visit the opportunity to bring your good wishes and love to her.  Hopefully, that will give her the best chance to be able to recover as fully as she can.

I woke Mom up very early, although she wan’t really very interested in waking up.  She did open her eyes a few times and look at me, with a regard that said something like, “leave me alone, I’ve only had three and a half weeks of sleep!”. 

Yesterday we found her on a “regular” nursing unit, where most of the neuro patients go after the ICU.  She didn’t need the intensive ICU care that was available in the Neuro-ICU, although the nursing on the “floor” is equally outstanding. She was somewhat more awake during the day, occasionally appearing to acknowledge that there was some activity around her. Pam has brought a boombox and some CDs, and we put on Mozart piano concertos for Mom to listen to.

We are still hoping to move to Evanston tomorrow.  There will be activity behind the scenes today, as the Mather prepares to receive her, and arrangements for her transportation are made. Within 36 hours should should be tucked into the Life Center.

I know that there are many, many people who are looking forward to seeing her back at home. It will be an adjustment for her, but also for all of her friends.  You definitely will miss the snappy repartee, and I am sure that she will as well.